Before War: On Marriage, Hierarchy, and Our Matriarchal Origins
Daeva (Elisha)
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Amazon Customer Review
  • "Before War" is arguably the most important book written about the human condition since The Dawn of Everything8 (2021), and like The Dawn of Everything it also settles my nervous system. It provides a cosmological salve to help me hold and heal the world’s pain, and imagine new possibilities for us after the fall.
  • When I read Nikole Hannah-Jones’ "The 1619 Project9", I felt Black pride in my white body. This book had a similar effect. I feel woman pride in my male body. So, I’m taking this opportunity to elevate the author’s courage and two decades of scholarship. Here are the book’s main points:
    1. This book is thick-cut bacon.
      • Among its many strengths is its width. To make her case, the author presents evidence from multiple fields10 such as genetics, history, zoology, politics, sexology, linguistics, archaeology, mythology, and religion. It’s also the first major work of women’s history to leverage the evidence presented in "The Dawn of Everything". And because it is also the first that includes the trove of evidence now available through recent advances in DNA research, it substantiates the work of falsely discredited anthropologists like Marija Gimbutas, and destroys the Western progress narrative11 that glorifies and legitimizes patriarchy, extraction, racism, rape, ecocide, and violence.
    2. Matriarchy is better.
      • The majority (97%) of our history is matrilineal12, where we were primarily attached to our mother’s household, where economic decisions were made about how to produce / farm / hunt for food, invest surpluses, and pass down power, land, and wealth. The most important technological developments13 that we use were developed in our matriarchal past: agriculture, democracy, construction, leather, clothing, law, dance, medicine, theater, oral literature, math, education, administration, art, town planning, long-distance trade, education, steam engines, batteries, public sanitation and housing. Under matriarchy, languages are more complex, art is more sophisticated14, resources are more equitably distributed, class hierarchies are absent or minimal, and innovation flourishes15. There is very little evidence of violence or war in matriarchal societies, some of which still exist today.
      • The political-economic-cultural-spiritual package of matriarchy is one and the same with indigenous wisdom, sexual liberation, animism, and anarchocommunism. It is much more whole, just, equal, healthy, fulfilling, and sustainable than the patriarchal package of Christianity, rape culture, sex shaming, objective materialism, ecocide, slavery, racism, and modernity/late stage capitalism. [See the BBC series "The Power of Nightmares" that reveals how neoconservatism and Islamic fundamentalism arose because of women’s liberation and the sex positivity of the 1960’s.] As you might imagine, when patriarchal powers like China and the United States attempt to convert matriarchal societies to patriarchy, they reject it, and fight wars to protect it.
    3. All sex is coerced in patriarchy.
      • A patriarchy is a society where men dominate women by accident of birth and without regard to skill or merit. In patriarchy, men choose when and with whom to have sex. This is not to say women don’t say “yes” to sex or marriage, but that consent is not freely given, because of the power-over dynamic. It’s like dating your boss. In patriarchy, women need men to survive, so youthful sexuality, sex, and childrearing are chips on the table in a series of coercive negotiations that both sides play. The deal offered to men is to submit to more powerful men and you can dominate women. The deal offered to women is to submit to men and you can dominate lower classes of women and men. In matriarchy, women choose who they partner with, when they want sex (which is often, because it’s not complicated by sexual shame or concerns for money, power, or safety; think bonobos), and who they procreate with (leveraging their knowledge of their cycles and herbs for birth control and abortion).
    4. Paternity isn’t important.
      • In matriarchy, sex and romance are an entirely separate realm and serial monogamy is the norm. Relationships are short, mutual, and heartbreak is extremely rare. Uncles and grandparents are the primary adult community and co-parents, playing the role currently played and largely poorly executed by fathers under patriarchy. Men live with their maternal clan and visit lovers in other clans. Because everything is short-term, and we don’t need to work that much (all 8.5 billion of us can thrive with 30% of current resource, energy and labor usage), women and men take great care of themselves and are prized for their physical fitness, sexual prowess, intelligence, and artistic endeavors. Imagine a world of fit bakers, gardeners, builders, painters, herbalists, cobblers, engineers, weavers, and smiths, who work at leisurely pace half-time Monday through Wednesday, who have ample time for self-care and improvement, the arts, love-making, and naps, who love and learn from dozens if not hundreds of partners from puberty to death.
    5. Patriarchy arose because of scarcity-induced by climate change.
      • The area from North Africa through the Middle East to the Russian Steppe dried out quickly about 4,000BCE (over the course of ~100 years). As a trauma response, these matriarchal societies turned violent and fought for resources. They then domesticated the horse, which led to raiding neighbors, hoarding/herding animals, prizing violence, and elevating the larger male form. Warriors raided, raped, murdered everyone in their path. As a result, all the indigenous male DNA was replaced in Europe and the Middle East by Russian Steppe male DNA in a very short time. Because this way of life was dangerous and difficult, men needed to know where the scarce fruits of their dangerous exploits were being deployed and invested, so they developed a concern for paternity and a love of weapons and methods of war.
      • As generations of this trauma settled into our bones, as wetiko became virtue, the men took over and rewrote law, culture, religion, politics, and economics, which included many lies and crimes, such as controlling women’s bodies, sexuality, and behavior, and ritualistically, neglecting and abusing children to suppress their emotional lives and moral intuitions in order to get them to accept the deal (submit, marry, procreate, survive, die). If long-term monogamy was natural, we wouldn’t need so many legal, financial, cultural, medical, and religious structures to enforce it, and keep it propped up and limping along for all these years. Further, studies of fascism suggest that the basis of the fascist state is the male-led household. The resulting 6,000 years of violent patriarchal empires produced a far lower quality of life, language, religion, and art16. It is beyond time to say goodbye to the concept of scarcity, and go to work on healing and transforming the countless traumas that keep patriarchy limping along. I believe the current administration’s naked cruelty, ignorance, and greed serve the purpose of letting us know the show is over.
    6. Patriarchy suppressed this knowledge.
      • The reason we weren’t taught our true history or that matriarchy is the most evolved form of human society is political. Once the initial climate-induced scarcity passed, society had long forgotten it was ever different, and patriarchal power-over values became the cultural norm. The story of us had been re-written to “’twas always thus.” So men continued to rule, while women were castigated as inferior, untrustworthy, incapable, and evil, e.g., Adam and Eve, and gnostic / soul / mystery / divine feminine worship went underground. Thanks to archaeologists like Marija Gimbutas and David Wengrow, anthropologists like David Graeber, and writers like Riane Eisler and Elisha Daeva, the record has been corrected.
  • So now that we know what’s up, what should we do about it?
  • I think the first thing is to acknowledge that at the heart of all of our problems is patriarchy. And all the forms of structural hate/oppression - classism, sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, et al - are expressions of patriarchal power-over (vs matriarchal power-with). At the heart of everything that sucks is an old dude who sits atop a made up power structure, who isn’t doing his inner work, who isn’t well read, who doesn’t know who he is or what humanity is or what women are, and doesn’t want to feel the shame that would result from learning that everything he’s ever been taught is wrong and that everything he’s doing with every moment of his day is, and for all previous moments of his life was, wrong. Everyone who looks up to and/or depends on the scraps that trickle down from these dudes are equally wrong.
  • If our history and self-concept is wrong, everything else is wrong. We’re essentially doing it wrong. All of it. The ways we love, date, and marry are wrong. Our careers are wrong. Capitalism is wrong. Religion is wrong. Families are wrong. Schools are wrong. Politics is wrong. Clothes are wrong. Healthcare is wrong. Food is wrong. LinkedIn is wrong. Our thoughts are wrong.
  • For me, this is liberating. I’ve felt that it has all been wrong for a long time, probably for most of my adult life. It also opens the door for the courage, care, play, inclusion, independence, generativity, protection, and redemption of Bison Medicine17. It’s peace and love. It’s the freedom to live in accordance with our highest selves, to implement best practices for life, to leave this cruel, monstrously violent, and unjust hellscape in the past where it belongs. It’s the hope to create what’s next as MAGA burns this version to the ground.



In-Page Footnotes ("Daeva (Elisha) - Before War: On Marriage, Hierarchy, and Our Matriarchal Origins")

Footnote 1: Footnotes 2, 3: Footnote 4: Footnote 5: Footnote 6: Footnote 7: Footnote 8: Footnote 9: Footnote 10: Footnote 11: Footnote 12: Footnote 13: Footnote 14: Footnote 15: Footnote 16: Footnote 17:
Book Comment

True Story Books, 27 May 2023



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